15 replies to this topic

[gazmungus]

Now. Lets see how long into this year we can keep this one going...

 

Taz been said that I’m “not funny anymore”. I know this because everybody has been yelling at me that I’m “not funny anymore”. (When I say everybody, I generally just mean the cat, as no one else ever listens to me anyways.)

 

Good old bollocks section used to be proper dapper ’till the tumbleweeds started coming over here and stealing our punchlines…

 

Now, I like the odd tumbleweed, I find they’re very worthy conversationalists apart from the fact that nobody yells “YOU’RE NOT FUNNY ANYMORE”* with greater gusto than the odd tumbleweed.

 

(*I did dun the caps lock because I wanted it to come across as a bit “UKIPPY” except I messed it up and put the apostrophe in YOUR.)

 

 

Anyway, first bollocks post of 2017.


We are all doomed…

[jahloon]

I was just glad to make it out of 2016...

[gazmungus]

Maybe we haven't made it out of 2016? Maybe 2017 is just an illusion so far? Maybe it's always been 2016?

Still, that video of the elephant having that giant green turd pulled out of it's arse was properly funny - I won't link it as a) I can't remember how to post vids and b) it's very icky...

[jahloon]

Missed the elephant thing though I'm sure I can google it, not sure if it is 2017, not been out of the house yet....

[gazmungus]

For elephant see me twitter - it's not that funny after all, bearing in mind rule #34 of the internet   but does make for an intellectually stimulating metaphor for brexit...

Re staying in, is it possible to order a home delivery from the offey? Or booze parcels from the supermarket?

Here in Nog I have to venture out if I want to continue the ongoing destruction of my liver...

 

[jahloon]

Yes I did have to pop out for a crafty re-stock.

 

The elephant thing was interesting.... supports my theory that if you pour from a bottle of Advocaat it all comes out in one long string, a long sticky yellow string... 

[gazmungus]

Advocaat! There's a blast from the past, and Warninks? The strange yellow bottle that would sit at the back of the standard 1970s drinks cabinet with all the crust around the sticky screw top...

I remember there wan't enough alcohol in there to make a difference and so I concluded that it would be more effective to mix it with the 8% "bus stop pizza topping" style cider. Sparkling idea for a 13 year old - I think my sphincter still has the scars from violent vomiting to this day...

Not sure what magical effects the other 70s drinks cabinet wallflower "Noilly Prat" had...

[jahloon]

Noilly Prat is French Vermouth, as opposed to the more popular Italian Vermouth, or dry Martini.

 

​I've got a load of obscure stuff rotting away, leave Advocaat for long enough and it separates into two distinct liquids.

 

I'll have a dig and report back later...

[rob]

I know it's 2017 because I changed to 5 * a_decade.one + 1 just before 2016 killed itself. Although, I didn't personally witness the changeover because I was putting in flooring and was only told about it. Maybe I shouldn't believe them and stubborn;y consider it to still be 2016?

 

I have no idea about any of these elephants or alcohols about which you speak except for vermouth which I find absolutely disgusting. 

[jahloon]

Ah Rob, the French Vermouth is worse than the Italian....   as for the elephants, well it is pretty bad....

[gazmungus]

You've got stuff rotting away, J? How about a nice big punch? The rest of the advocaat, vermouth, all the dregs from back of the drinks cabinet and small tin of chopped spinach into the shaker - perfect! The Elephant's Arse! Serve warm, pull in a string out of the shaker and savour the chewy bits...

That's enough of that  it's not even 8am yet...

Is "5 * a_decade.one + 1" a free upgrade? Or maybe that's what happened at the end of 2015's software licence, not enough of us in the world purchased the full upgrade to 2016, and that's why it all went sphincter?

[rob]

Is "5 * a_decade.one + 1" a free upgrade? Or maybe that's what happened at the end of 2015's software licence, not enough of us in the world purchased the full upgrade to 2016, and that's why it all went sphincter?

 

Definitely a downgrade from the original license purchased in 1960. Of course, the hardware is outdated and the software gets softer every year too.

[gazmungus]

Ah, I see...

Maybe the gregorian calendar is in fact a product of an iOS survival app, which unfortunately came out (will come out) just before the point of human catastrophic failure (in fact, in a few months from now) and erroneously writes the whole concept of time on an unused iCloud account that only has enough memory capacity to write all of a world's history up to  sometime in 2017?

Where is the server that stores that iCloud account?   

I'm kind of glad I don't touch weed...

[gazmungus]

...apart from tumbleweed that is 

[Livesay]

You're making a lot of sense, Gazmungus. I don't understand how main stream science didn't pick up on this theory yet.