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HUMBUG the official XMAS blows thread

#31 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 02 December 2005 - 04:35 PM

The Pink Parrot, on Dec 2 2005, 04:30 PM, said:

What about:

Aunty Mary had a canary
Peeping out of her arse
And when she farted
Out it darted
Playing a fretless guitar!
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


That's it!

Thank you my feathered friends. :whistling:

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#32 User is offline   gazmungus 

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Posted 03 December 2005 - 01:01 PM

Is pink parrot available as an alternative xmas poultry?

or do I have to stuffrape the boring turdkey with my sage and sausage meat again :ranting:

_
gary

carol singers can fuck off :whistling:
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#33 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 04 December 2005 - 11:49 AM

I searched the supermarket freezers and no such alternative was available.

There were some rather yellowish corn fed chickens trussed up and ready to go.

Maybe you could change the look of things by feeding them different stuff.

What about geese fed with blue cheese?

Or ducks raised entirely on Stella and Jaffa cakes?

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#34 User is offline   Kai 

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Posted 04 December 2005 - 09:42 PM

If you really need it to be pink, you could always mold some Spam in the shape of a turkey - et voila: the meat byproduct alternative to Tofurkey!

:blink: :vomit:
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#35 User is offline   Villager 

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Posted 06 December 2005 - 10:15 AM

jahloon, on Dec 2 2005, 04:35 PM, said:

The Pink Parrot, on Dec 2 2005, 04:30 PM, said:

What about:

Aunty Mary had a canary
Peeping out of her arse
And when she farted
Out it darted
Playing a fretless guitar!
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


That's it!

Thank you my feathered friends. :blink:

Jah
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hang on, is that Aunty Mary on the T shirt then?
Fret not thyself - Proverbs 24:19
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#36 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 06 December 2005 - 10:24 AM

Kai, on Dec 4 2005, 09:42 PM, said:

If you really need it to be pink, you could always mold some Spam in the shape of a turkey  - et voila: the meat byproduct alternative to Tofurkey!

:blink: :vomit:
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I like the idea of moulding different foods into alternate shapes.

Any guess as to the number of tins of Spam needed to make a respectable turkey?

Would also appreciate cooking time in hours etc.

Quote

Hang on, is that Aunty Mary on the T shirt then?


Vill; the operative word was "arse" - go and check your shirt.

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#37 Guest_the brown canary_*

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Posted 06 December 2005 - 10:40 AM

Villager, on Dec 6 2005, 10:15 AM, said:

Hang on, is that Aunty Mary on the T shirt then?
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Dunno, but that's me on the village CD cover :vomit:



and please don't feed Auntie Mary the spam turky

she has enough digestive problems already

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#38 User is offline   thejim 

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Posted 06 December 2005 - 10:49 AM

Well, at least my christmas dinner menu is sorted now. Spurkey it is.
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#39 User is offline   gazmungus 

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Posted 06 December 2005 - 01:19 PM

would the Spurkey do anal fistrape as well as it's feathered counterpart?

:vomit:


:blink:
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#40 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 06 December 2005 - 02:42 PM

corcoran, on Dec 6 2005, 01:19 PM, said:

would the Spurkey do anal fistrape as well as it's feathered counterpart?

:vomit:


:blink:
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think one should take time to appreciate that this is a finely crafted luncheon meat delicacy and not in the same culinary group as an old boiler expecting an orange to be stuffed up its cavity.

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#41 User is offline   rob 

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Posted 06 December 2005 - 04:24 PM

Well, yes, but ...

it would seem reasonable to consider stuffing "deviled ham" up its fowl orifice.
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#42 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 06 December 2005 - 05:08 PM

rob, on Dec 6 2005, 04:24 PM, said:

Well, yes, but ...

it would seem reasonable to consider stuffing "deviled ham" up its fowl orifice.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I found this:

Quote

The devil's in the detail
It might taste hellish good but don’t take the name at face value — read the ingredients list. The first ingredient in PECK’S Devilled Ham Spread is pork at 53%: sounds OK so far. But wait for it: in brackets it tells us what the pork is made up of: tongues, hearts, bacon — some people’d definitely call that ‘devilled’ ham. A bit of a surprise if you’re squeamish about offal.
and then this:

Quote

”De-vyled“ ham was made out of the waste ends of smoked beef that were too small to be sliced by the machines; and also tripe, dyed with chemicals so that it would not show white; and trimmings of hams and corned beef; and potatoes, skins and all; and finally the hard cartilaginous gullets of beef, after the tongues had been cut out. All this ingenious mixture was ground up and flavored with spices to make it taste like something.

It seems it would be perfectly fitting to emulate a Spamulated turkey hole.

I wonder what the worst thing you can buy in a tin might be?

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#43 Guest_gazzza_*

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Posted 06 December 2005 - 06:08 PM

jahloon, on Dec 6 2005, 05:08 PM, said:

I wonder what the worst thing you can buy in a tin might be?
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


I remember a joke shop product which was called something like:-

'instant dog turd - shit in a can' :vomit:

you could spray pavement worms wherever you liked - brilliant! But it couldn't be considered harmful though..... :blink:

Emre does tins doesn't he?

_
gary
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#44 User is offline   Villager 

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Posted 07 December 2005 - 04:57 PM

jahloon, on Dec 6 2005, 05:08 PM, said:

I wonder what the worst thing you can buy in a tin might be?

Jah
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

They have a "complete breakfast" in a tin at the village shop. It has beans, chipolatas (mini sausages), bacon, and egg!

I have tried it and it was rather dissapointing, a waste of good beans really.

V :wub:

:( :vomit:
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#45 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 07 December 2005 - 05:30 PM

Catfood in a tin, that's worse than anything, no wonder cats secretly despise their owners and turn on them ripping their limbs off. Now was that Seigfried or Roy?

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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