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HUMBUG the official XMAS blows thread

#16 Guest_The Bad Postman_*

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Posted 29 November 2005 - 05:17 PM

thejim, on Nov 29 2005, 04:14 PM, said:

Not on your nelly!  You can have my flat porn and my gay strings though.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Done, but can I put the pink fairy on top of the spruce, Bruce?

:ninja:
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#17 Guest_gazzza_*

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 08:41 AM

I've just realise that xmas carols are full of sexual inuendos and drug references!

'ding dong merrily on high' :P

and

'peace on earth' :lol:

and

'while shepherds watched their flocks by night' :vomit:

and

'the angel of the lord came off' - no, wait... :)

_
gazza

ban the f***ing lot I say!
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#18 Guest_The Village Vicar_*

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 11:14 AM

Well I never, I've not seen such filth since I banned the hymn with the line:

"The Purlple Headed Mountain"

And another thing, if that Unfretted lot turn up pissed again at the Church on Christmas Eve, the verger will be whacking them around the head with a damp and tightly rolled copy of Guitar Player.

:)
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#19 User is offline   Kai 

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 01:59 PM

gazzza, on Dec 1 2005, 03:41 AM, said:

I've just realise that xmas carols are full of sexual inuendos and drug references!

'ding dong merrily on high' :P

and

'peace on earth' :lol:

and

'while shepherds watched their flocks by night' :vomit:

and

'the angel of the lord came off' - no, wait... :)

_
gazza

ban the f***ing lot I say!
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Not particularly obscene, but I remember a cousin who, when just a little tyke, thought one of the lines in Silent Night was "Round John Virgin, mother and child....", and when a certain fat priest walked by the altar, asked "is that Round John Virgin?"

Not quite up there with John Fogarty's classic lyric "There's a bathroom on the right", but...
[i]"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench - a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side..."[/i] - Hunter S. Thompson
[url="http://soundcloud.com/csharporchestra"]C# Orchestra on Soundcloud[/url]
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#20 Guest_gazzza_*

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 02:14 PM

'chestnuts roasting on an open fire'

'away in a minger'

'Fart! the herald angels sing'

'good king wenceless has passed out...'

'I saw mummy kissing santa's long veiny pogo stick'


and the ever popular......

'jungle balls! jungle balls!'


_
gaz

now even this is getting boring. :)
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#21 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 04:51 PM

Well....

Does anyone know the (dubious) lyrics to:

Aunty Mary had a Canary....

?

J
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#22 User is offline   Kai 

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 07:49 PM

gazzza, on Dec 1 2005, 09:14 AM, said:

'chestnuts roasting on an open fire'
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>



No, no - it's

"Jack Frost roasting on an open fire,
chestnuts nipping at your nose...."

(after the hallucinogenic eggnog that is.)

'fraid I don't know aunt mary's canary...
[i]"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench - a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side..."[/i] - Hunter S. Thompson
[url="http://soundcloud.com/csharporchestra"]C# Orchestra on Soundcloud[/url]
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#23 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 08:08 PM

Rudolf the red nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would take off all your clothes

Not terribly funny but after my first rendition of this at work a colleage nearly died laughing, and would corpse on a regular basis for weeks afterwards and every Xmas.

It was a tears down the face job too, wasn't that funny.

:)

J
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#24 User is offline   gazmungus 

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 08:35 PM

Kai, on Dec 1 2005, 07:49 PM, said:

gazzza, on Dec 1 2005, 09:14 AM, said:

'chestnuts roasting on an open fire'
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

after the hallucinogenic eggnog that is.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


HAHAHAHA! mushroomnog! love the sound of that! that's a song title!

jahloon, on Dec 1 2005, 04:51 PM, said:

Does anyone know the (dubious) lyrics to:

Aunty Mary had a Canary....
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


I know not that one, me old fruit - but pray do tell......

here's some I stole earlier...........

We three kings of orient are....
sold our camels and bought a car
made by rover
it wouldn't turn over
while we lost the f*cking star :vomit:


the grand old duke of york,
he had ten thousand men,
if he'd had the energy,
he'd have them all again.

(HEY? that's nothing to do with xmas?)

mary had a little lamb
the doctor showed surprise
but when old macdonald had a farm
he couldn't believe his eyes

:lol: :)

someone gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater last xmas, he said it was the most violent book he'd ever read... (boom - tish)

jewish santa comes down the chimney "HO,HO,HO! anyone wanna buy some toys?"

(I was watching chubby brown and jethro videos today when I was on my exercise bike - sorry)

cue tumbleweed


_
gary

ole tinsel thong
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#25 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 02 December 2005 - 09:43 AM

jahloon, on Dec 1 2005, 04:51 PM, said:

Does anyone know the (dubious) lyrics to:

Aunty Mary had a Canary....
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Aunty Mary hid a canary
Up the leg o` her drawers.
She peed her breeks
For sixty weeks,
An` it ne`er came doon anymore.
(Scottish children's street song)

But the one I remember started...

Aunty Mary had a canary
Peeping out of her arse
And when she farted
Out it darted
? ? ? ? ?
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#26 Guest_the brown canary_*

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Posted 02 December 2005 - 10:03 AM

Auntie Mary had a canary
Up the leg of her drawers
When she farted it departed
Down the leg of her drawers.

f*** me google IS useful!

:)

what would rhyme with arse though?
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#27 User is offline   thejim 

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Posted 02 December 2005 - 01:22 PM

Aris- presumably.

Aris- Aristotle- Bottle- Bottle and Glass- Arse. Although if you can get that little lot in a poem you are one erudite bird! :)

BTW do you use your beak or your feet when you type? Just curious.
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#28 Guest_the brown canary_*

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Posted 02 December 2005 - 02:51 PM

thejim, on Dec 2 2005, 01:22 PM, said:

BTW do you use your beak or your feet when you type?  Just curious.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


As Aunt Mary has a particularly vile disease going on down there - due to having too much back alley fun with Uncle John (groan!) It's in hygiene's best interest for me to avoid contact with anything.

So I make gazza's cat do it by threatening to crap in his food.

brown (with a hint of green) is the new pink.

chirps
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#29 User is offline   thejim 

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Posted 02 December 2005 - 03:14 PM

the brown canary, on Dec 2 2005, 02:51 PM, said:

thejim, on Dec 2 2005, 01:22 PM, said:

BTW do you use your beak or your feet when you type?  Just curious.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


As Aunt Mary has a particularly vile disease going on down there - due to having too much back alley fun with Uncle John (groan!) It's in hygiene's best interest for me to avoid contact with anything.

So I make gazza's cat do it by threatening to crap in his food.

brown (with a hint of green) is the new pink.

chirps
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


I had better get the dulux chart out for my next project then! Thing is, pink is easy, but brown can be difficult............ sometimes it runs........
You're a grotesque, ugly freak and you're wrong. Thankyou.
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#30 Guest_The Pink Parrot_*

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Posted 02 December 2005 - 04:30 PM

the brown canary, on Dec 2 2005, 10:03 AM, said:

Auntie Mary had a canary
Up the leg of her drawers
When she farted it departed
Down the leg of her drawers.

f*** me google IS useful!

:whistling:

what would rhyme with arse though?
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What about:

Aunty Mary had a canary
Peeping out of her arse
And when she farted
Out it darted
Playing a fretless guitar!

(So you see, Mr Brown, you need more than Google)
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