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HUMBUG the official XMAS blows thread

#1 User is offline   gazmungus 

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Posted 27 November 2005 - 12:18 PM

What a perfect time for a gripe! :whistling:

I've declined to gig this years silly season, the image of the way drunk twat in the santa hat staggering over to ask for "the one that goes, NA,NA,N'NAAAAAAHHHH" was far too predictable......

Maybe scrooge was right! - Thanks Mr Dickens :)

As the true meaning of christmas rears it's ugly head - like for example:-

Getting stuff (kids only), cosmic visa bills, miserable overcrowded shopping in miserable weather, the stress of worrying about what you're gonna buy Auntie Chunkbitch to take back in the january sales and exchange for something else she doesn't want, the office christmas parties where networking and shop talk seem to be more important than having a party, getting totally hacked off with carols and other xmas songs which have been painfully etched on the brain year after year, multitudes of screaming brats, empty ATM machines, looming finacial demise, getting fat, ring Gran - "how the fuck do I cook the bastard turdkey?" - the list goes on... :(

And not to mention the hoards of sad, despirate faces of folk at the end of their teather who can't wait for it al to be over. How Christian?

(Did I mention getting fat? :vomit: )

Being totally religiously inert, christmas has never had any spiritual meaning for me and I'll own up to athiesm 'cause it makes me easier to explain - but to most christians I know there ain't no good side to crimble neither!

There was a time when I liked a bit of xmas, the bit where I'd wind down and get in touch with family and old mates - important to me as I live far away - but nowadays most old mates tend to shut off because of kids or work or both, and most of the family have passed.....

Xmas should maybe be a couple of days where we all don't have to participate in the rat race, and we could relax and not have to worry about all the crap that troubles us throughout the rest of the year, not an insane bleeding ulcor season of pain that lasts the best part of 3 months. (Though this year hasn't been so early to start, I must admit.)

:wacko:

So lets all stick the boot in on the season of mass commercial madness,

balance sheets versus bible (or whatever books float your sausages)

Add to the list above....



_
gazzaclause

ho,ho bollocksing ho, BAH! HUMBUG!


:lol:
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#2 User is offline   rob 

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Posted 27 November 2005 - 02:47 PM

I'm with you. I've just returned from the US where I haven't been for two years.

We left on the day after Thanksgiving - the "official" start of the "Christmas" season.

The news was full of blabbering about wether or not "Black Friday" is a good indicator of the amount to be consumed in the upcoming purchasing season. Answer: "Not really. Since people don't get Xmas bonuses anymore, they have to start spending earlier." Reply (said through artificial neon-white teeth attached to plastic breasts): "Oh, that's great!"

This news story was invariably followed up by a report on the mad rush/stampede at store X where N people were trampled.

It was a fitting end to our trip. I was stunned by the changes in two years. There were strip mall like "Hummer" dealers everywhere. In LA, it seemed like every third car was some sort of Humvee. We sat stuck in traffic surrounded by 8 mpg junk drowning in airborne filth.

When we got into our old hometown, my 5 year old son was repeatedly calling out "look, it's a monster truck."

I'm not ready for the annual celebration of gluttony and greed.

I'm an atheist type too, but I find myself wishing for an Aquarian deluge to cleanse the whole damn planet.
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#3 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 28 November 2005 - 01:59 PM

I've been beside a Hummer in UK traffic, its like being next to a bus! I've hardly got the greenest of cars but those things are extreem, what's the point?

Glad to see Gazza is actually older and grumpier than me. What about Emre building a device in a tea tin that immediately cancels all Xmas carols from PA systems?

I would buy two, just in case the first one broke.

:ninja:

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#4 User is offline   Newbie Brad 

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Posted 28 November 2005 - 04:05 PM

I don't like the commercial ownership of the season. I don't care about the religious content. But I enjoy the happy times I share with family and friends. But quantitatively, qualitatively : the month's mostly crap.
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#5 User is offline   thejim 

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Posted 28 November 2005 - 04:44 PM

Don't knock christmas, it is the only thing keeping Sir Cliff Richard going!

Oh, apart from the monkey glands.
You're a grotesque, ugly freak and you're wrong. Thankyou.
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#6 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 28 November 2005 - 05:26 PM

And now I've seen it all. An upside down Xmas tree. You hang it from the ceiling, and stick the fairy on the bottom.

Well at least I wouldn't keep knocking the bugger over.

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#7 User is offline   rob 

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Posted 28 November 2005 - 06:48 PM

Innovation! It keeps the market running.

Similarly, I recently saw an ad for a new innovation in tomato growing. You hang the tomato plant upside down from a bag full of dirt. Why? I don't know. Every tomato plant I've ever grown had this tendency to grow towards the light.

I'm thinking of buying a bunch of them to give as xmas presents. At least it would take a few months for everyone to discover how freakin' stupid their present was.
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#8 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 29 November 2005 - 12:12 AM

Never saw the point in tomato plants, you can buy them all year round in the supermarket, cheap. Grow your own, they all arrive at the same time and you can't give them away. Plus you have to put pigshit on them. And water them, and pick the ungrateful B*****s. Plus spray the aphids, etc. the secret is you can buy them in the supermarket.

Heavens, you can even get them in cans.

You can get concentrated tomato in tubes.

I have the awful feeling that somewhere, out there, is a Christmas tomato plant.

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#9 Guest_rudolf the red nosed gazza_*

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Posted 29 November 2005 - 08:33 AM

jahloon, on Nov 28 2005, 01:59 PM, said:

Glad to see Gazza is actually older and grumpier than me.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


don't forget stupidder, fatter, and with less hair now.... :lol:

Newbie Brad, on Nov 28 2005, 04:05 PM, said:

I don't like the commercial ownership of the season. I don't care about the religious content. But I enjoy the happy times I share with family and friends. But quantitatively, qualitatively : the month's mostly crap.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


you nailed it, Brad.



AND.... christmas trees! FARK! There's another good one!

Ye old Norway spruce, yes, there's an area about the size of the UK right outside my back door that's full of the f*ckers!

The whole humvee thing is a deliberate attempt to poison the environment - killing off the natural xmas trees, expanding the market and pushing up the price of the plastic non biodegradable contingent. As we all know the entire xmas tree trade is owned by the same faceless petrochemical corporation (govt dept?) that invented SUVs, and fox news,and tomato plants.

As for tomatoids, they're just like haemroids, as in that you have to nurture them, care for them, spray them for aphids and be jolly careful not to let them get too ripe (and they hang upsidowny!). The thought of cubic roids brings tears to my eyes, as does Sir Cliff Monkey and his Richard glands. :ninja:

both missletoe and wine are poisons, lemme at 'em :(


_
gary

File christmas under bollocks that isn't funny :D
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#10 User is offline   Villager 

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Posted 29 November 2005 - 11:17 AM

Its the needles, they get everywhere. V
Fret not thyself - Proverbs 24:19
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#11 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 29 November 2005 - 12:09 PM

Misstletoe is exclusively grown and used by Grannies.

It is a dangerous product should only be sold to fit birds.

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#12 Guest_The Bad Postman_*

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Posted 29 November 2005 - 12:49 PM

rudolf the red nosed gazza, on Nov 29 2005, 08:33 AM, said:

Ye old Norway spruce, yes, there's an area about the size of the UK right outside my back door that's full of the f*ckers!
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do you wanna buy some lights?
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#13 User is offline   thejim 

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Posted 29 November 2005 - 01:11 PM

Or petrol and matches?
You're a grotesque, ugly freak and you're wrong. Thankyou.
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#14 Guest_wudolf the wed nosed wazza_*

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Posted 29 November 2005 - 01:17 PM

The Bad Postman, on Nov 29 2005, 12:49 PM, said:

Do you wanna buy some lights?
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>



thejim, on Nov 29 2005, 01:11 PM, said:

Or petrol and matches?
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


No but I'll take all youe flatwound strings and gay porn.
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#15 User is offline   thejim 

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  Posted 29 November 2005 - 04:14 PM

Not on your nelly! You can have my flat porn and my gay strings though.
You're a grotesque, ugly freak and you're wrong. Thankyou.
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