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Limericks 5 line poems

#1 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 09 October 2005 - 09:36 PM

After a sensible weekend, why not see if we can come up with a limerick to include some fretless type subject?

For those new to the genre these are hopefully witty 5 line poems. The basic rules are that lines 1,2 & 5 end in a rhyme as do lines 3 & 4.

Here is one of my favourites:

The was a young man from Darjeeling
Who got on a tube train to Ealing
It said on the door
Don't spit on the floor
So he leant back and spat on the ceiling

Like the above, the best have a twist or unexpected last line.

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#2 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 09 October 2005 - 10:27 PM

Can't wait, got one....

A keen young guitarist called Jim
Removed all his frets on a whim
But it caused him frustration
With poor intonaton
So he hammered the buggers back in.

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#3 User is offline   gazmungus 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 06:59 AM

Modnay morning! - F***IN champion!

....but isn't a limerick the poetic equivalent of a 12 bar in E?

something like this maybe for an untempered, progressive limerick? - and old re-written favourite...

There once was a person named Dave, or Sonya even,
Whose guitar was almost as restrictive as his/her partner,
It, the partner that is, and in some...
Quarters to be noted to be a bit sharp,
So they divorced them and embarked upon meaningless single sex affairs.
It was also said that they we're microtonally curious (just for the 6th line)


Hmm, THAT WAS CRAP! so to make up, here's another old favourite

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear was a c*** i could f*** it
:rolleyes:


_
gaz

well,

that's this one bolloxxed already



:D
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#4 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 07:21 AM

As Gazza has buggered it:

There was a young man from Tashkent
Whose tool was incredibly bent
To save him the trouble
He stuck it in double
And instead of coming , he went

definitely a 12 bar in E
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#5 User is offline   gazmungus 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 07:48 AM

best I could do in a rush...

Jeff once had a site on the net,
For guitarists that wanted to de-fret,
after all the hard plucking,
and words such as 'f*cking',
he closed it, the miserable get. :rolleyes:

_
gary

sorry.

I might put some more up later....
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#6 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 09:13 AM

That's a gud 'un.

A musician that hailed from Nantucket
Played fretless guitar in a bucket
He left it one day
In an offhanded way
Found some light fingered Scouser had took it.

The bucket, not the guitar, Scousers don't do fretless. :rolleyes:
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#7 Guest_gynoman_*

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 09:25 AM

There once was a woman from France (who miraculously happened to be a fretless guitarist :rolleyes: )
who took a long train journey by chance
the engineer f***ed her
before the conductor
while the fireman **** in his pants

now THAT's a true story

DON'T mention the Azores!
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#8 User is offline   gazmungus 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 09:44 AM

jahloon, on Oct 10 2005, 09:13 AM, said:

Scousers don't do fretless.  :rolleyes:
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I suppose they'd have to leave the seagulls and cockroaches something :D

back to limericks - not like I've got better things to do!

With a great respect for the craft,
Forged his fingerboard out of glass,
It wouldn't sustain,
So he smashed it in vain,
And stuffed the bits right up his ass.

_
gazza

....and it's no, nay never,
....no, nay never no mooooooore - hic!

parp!
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#9 User is offline   thejim 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 12:21 PM

There was a young lady named Pam,
who was stalked by a psychotic lamb.
She escaped to Nantucket,
Then thought "oh f*ck it".
I could have made the little sh*t into Spam.

Sorry.
You're a grotesque, ugly freak and you're wrong. Thankyou.
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#10 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 12:43 PM

thejim, on Oct 10 2005, 12:21 PM, said:

There was a young lady named Pam,
who was stalked by a psychotic lamb.
She escaped to Nantucket,
Then thought "oh f*ck it".
I could have made the little sh*t into Spam.

Sorry.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What!!! They make SPAM out of Sheeeep!
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#11 User is offline   jahloon 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 12:46 PM

There was a young man from Ceylon
Made guitar from a nuclear bomb
He went to unfret it
We told him forget it
Then half of the island was gone

Bu Bum, or Kaboom, or insert your favourite loud noise here.

Jah
Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
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#12 Guest_Furteling Fretless Frigger_*

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 12:48 PM

A whacky young artist called Raj
Stuck his guitar up some harpies vag,
He thought she was dead,
Till she turned round and said
”What am I doing on the front of this t-shirt?”

FFF
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#13 User is offline   thejim 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 02:58 PM

Furteling Fretless Frigger, on Oct 10 2005, 12:48 PM, said:

A whacky young artist called Raj
Stuck his guitar up some harpies vag,
He thought she was dead,
Till she turned round and said
”What am I doing on the front of this t-shirt?”

FFF
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


How tasteful.

There was a young man of Slough,
Who wanted to play like Greg Howe.
He widdled like Vai,
And got a pick in the eye.
I think he plays fretless now......
You're a grotesque, ugly freak and you're wrong. Thankyou.
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#14 User is offline   gazmungus 

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 03:16 PM

Furteling Fretless Frigger, on Oct 10 2005, 12:48 PM, said:

A whacky young artist called Raj
Stuck his guitar up some harpies vag,
He thought she was dead,
Till she turned round and said
”What am I doing on the front of this t-shirt?”

FFF
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :D

I was working on one too similar,

so this'll have to do:-

Whilst pulling his frets with his plyer,
To fulfill his atonal desire,
Advised by Unfretted,
"It don't work" he regretted,
and chucked what was left in the fire.

:(

b*stardf*ckpig!, I'm getting worse at this! :rolleyes:

_
gary

oh dreary, dreary me.
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#15 Guest_gazzaroonie the boring_*

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Posted 10 October 2005 - 03:21 PM

corcoran, on Oct 10 2005, 03:16 PM, said:

b*stardf*ckpig!, I'm getting worse at this! :rolleyes:
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


I once epoxied my cat,
I glued him to the mat,
The missus complained,
She screached "You're insane!"
"You've gone way too far this time you twat".


that's much better :D

_
gaz

didn't see yours pop in there Jim, nice wrk
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