[Kai]

From Metafilter - surely this is tailor-made for Jahloon

[jahloon]

I'll keep my eye out for that one!

[gazmungus]

Thanks for that Kai!

I didn't realise that you have to click the link and confirm age to read it, does THIS link straight to the story?

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and if I thought the pain in my mouth was bad, it was nought but a tickle compared to the shitting broken glass sensation of my burning arse (fortunately not pictured).

Class. NOW I WANT CURRY.

[Kai]

No, for the scorched arse blog itself you still have to click through the "I'M AT LEAST 14" link. But the Metafilter comments section is almost better than the story to which it links.

To wit:

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I recently went to a birthday party hosted by a local metal band where the birthday boy received, as a gift from a roommate, 15 lbs of bacon. Another roommate made a medium pot of chili out of beans, tomatoes, some of the aforementioned bacon, and a bhut jolokia pepper.

Watching metalheads eat the chili, cry, and then try to unsuccessfully chase away the pain with yet another Rainier beer while screaming along to Manowar will remain one of the best memories of the year. One guy just kept on slurring 'It's really hot! But I can't stop eating! But it's really hot! But I can't stop eating!' while his face turned beet red and tears streamed down his cheeks.

It was REALLY good chili!
posted by spinifex23 at 11:41 PM on March 17

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So what does "Jolokia" mean?

It's Assamese for "wire brush and Dettol".
posted by flabdablet at 12:10 AM on March 18

Quote

Seated at his usual table, Keith ate poppadams and bombay duck while the staff fondly prepared his mutton vindaloo. "The napalm sauce, sir?" asked Rashid. Keith was resolved, in this as in all things. "Yeah. The napalm sauce." In the kitchen they were busy responding to Keith's imperial challenge: to make a curry so hot that he couldn't eat it. The meal arrived. Lively but silent faces stared through the serving-hatch. The first spoonful swiped a mustache of sweat on to Keith's upper lip, and drew excited murmurs from the kitchen. "Bit mild" said Keith when he could talk again.

...
Then his [different] meal arrived. Three additional waiters and two smocked cooks stood and watched, murmuring excitedly among themselves. The murmuring ceased, on the instant, as the first spoonful of sauce entered Keith's mouth, and then you could hear through the hatch an explosion of adolescent laughter--from the boys in hell's kitchen...He chewed, then stopped chewing, then chewed again, exploratively, like a puppy testing a hard chocolate. When, at last, he started to speak, there was so much smoke coming out of his mouth Nicola though for a moment that he must have quietly lit another cigarette. Keith asked Ackbar to correct him if he was wrong but didn't he ask for the hot one?

posted by kirkaracha at 9:12 PM on March 17

There's also one comment which mentions a spicy food store in Greenwich Village, NYC, which made me wonder if they'd been to my Berklee cellist pal & housemate Dave's store Hot Stuff which he had for a while in the early 90s on Sullivan Street (started with a wedding gift of cash from his father-in-law), next door to an Italian "social club" (*cough*Mafia*cough*), which ensured that he never had a burglary or robbery. But the mention of a female proprietress made me recall that this had to have been his nemesis' store a few blocks away. Dave later went mail-order-only due to rising rents and then got out of the biz altogether, but while he still had it, he was contacted by Steven Tyler et al of Aerosmith and invited to hang backstage with them at a gig: it turned out that during their initial rehab/swear off drugs phase, they'd developed a fondness for the fire, and were loyal customers of his!

Finally, I love the link to a Youtube of an Indian family "going for an English": What's the blandest thing on the menu?

[Kai]

Oh, and this is a bottle I wish I had in my fridge:

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As a wedding present, my husband and I got this condiment. This terrifying, terrifying condiment.

It's in a jar shaped like a cobra with red crystal eyes. Our friend tells us he got it in the remaindered gourmet stuff aisle at Mervyn's. Any labels or product info it had were gone long before we got it.

I, loving hot food, tried a bit of it as soon as we got it home-- about a fingernail's worth. It was pure agony. It took me about an hour to recover, and for me, that's really bizarre. I'm kind of an asbestos mouth. Like a dumbass, soon after that, I tried to use a little bit of it in a stir-fry. Again, about a quarter of a teaspoon managed to irradiate the entire meal. I was able to eat about half of mine. My husband made it through about four bites.

It's been nearly a decade, but we still have the condiment-of-nightmares. We never open it. I guess you could describe it as a kind of household god. It just squats in companionable malevolence in the back of our fridge, staring down our salad dressing with glittering eyes.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 4:27 PM on March 18

[Kai]

Also, although the Simpsons' Ralph Wiggum bit about "it tastes like pain" is mentioned in both comment threads, nobody remembered the classic Guatemalan Insanity Peppers episode where Homer goes into a vision quest coma (after having poured candle wax into his mouth so he could win the eating contest) where he's guided through a halllucinatory desert by a talking coyote (voiced by Johnny Cash.)

[jahloon]

Kai, on Mar 19 2010, 05:16 PM, said:

Also, although the Simpsons' Ralph Wiggum bit about "it tastes like pain" is mentioned in both comment threads, nobody remembered the classic Guatemalan Insanity Peppers episode where Homer goes into a vision quest coma (after having poured candle wax into his mouth so he could win the eating contest) where he's guided through a halllucinatory desert by a talking coyote (voiced by Johnny Cash.)

How did I miss that one?

[rob]

jahloon, on Mar 19 2010, 07:12 PM, said:

Kai, on Mar 19 2010, 05:16 PM, said:

Also, although the Simpsons' Ralph Wiggum bit about "it tastes like pain" is mentioned in both comment threads, nobody remembered the classic Guatemalan Insanity Peppers episode where Homer goes into a vision quest coma (after having poured candle wax into his mouth so he could win the eating contest) where he's guided through a halllucinatory desert by a talking coyote (voiced by Johnny Cash.)

How did I miss that one?

The episode? It's the Simpsons' masterpiece. Here's the wiki link. Don't read it though. Just get the title to try to find it somewhere to see.

[rob]

Kai, on Mar 19 2010, 04:49 PM, said:

[...]

Finally, I love the link to a Youtube of an Indian family "going for an English": What's the blandest thing on the menu?

Very funny. I had to look at a few of the related videos. This one is a perfect match for much of Boulder. I think I need to find a death sitar.

[jahloon]

rob, on Mar 20 2010, 11:52 AM, said:

I think I need to find a death sitar.

Detroy a whole planet with a single twang.

Forgotten how good GGM was.

My fav character was the Dad who when his son mentioned anything, would say Indian! with a follow up explanation, e.g.

Superman.

Indian! - only has two suits.

[Chilly Willy]

corcoran, on Mar 19 2010, 09:35 AM, said:

Thanks for that Kai!

I didn't realise that you have to click the link and confirm age to read it, does THIS link straight to the story?

I was afraid I would get to see a picture of his ass!

[jahloon]

Chilly Willy, on Mar 22 2010, 11:18 AM, said:

I was afraid I would get to see a picture of his ass!

Impossible, too much smoke in the toilet.

[Kai]

Jolokia peppers in the news.

(Comments section sample: "Weaponizing food has been around for centuries. The Romans weaponized my mother-in-law's tuna casserole to defeat the world.")

[jahloon]

Only a matter of time before this gets added to Indian food menus above Phal and Vindaloo

[Chilly Willy]

jahloon, on Mar 22 2010, 08:07 PM, said:

Chilly Willy, on Mar 22 2010, 11:18 AM, said:

I was afraid I would get to see a picture of his ass!

Impossible, too much smoke in the toilet.

smoke on the water, ta ta ta, ta ta ta taaaaaaa