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Aunty Jeff


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#46 gazmungus

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 05:08 PM

They even sneak their pointy way into Cornish pasties.


NEVER!!!!!!

:unsure:
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#47 jahloon

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 05:18 PM

... a certain carrot and turpentine odour to them?

I thought that it must be the inner wood sprite trying to get out.

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#48 gazmungus

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Posted 01 December 2016 - 07:49 AM

Mmmmm! Love the smell of tumbleweeds!

Dear Aunty!

I have an uncomfortable relationship with the inrawebs these days as I'm always getting told off for being offensive...

Like, I didn't think the old joke about the frozen chicken being dragged into a bar by a one legged sloth with an erection was that bad...


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#49 jahloon

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Posted 01 December 2016 - 01:06 PM

Dear Corky,

 

You really are a fish out of water! You could try removing the word "erection" and perhaps replace with tumulus or engorged or trouser bulge. Also perhaps one legged could be substituted by "unidexter" or just name the sloth Spiggot.

 

Oh, and when you are finally banned by FB, you can always come here and smell the tumbleweeds.

 

Aunty 


Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
Author of the book "Fretless Guitar The Definitive Guide" fretlessguitar.co.uk

#50 gazmungus

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Posted 01 December 2016 - 01:46 PM

....but it was a massive erection, and most impressive. Not all sloths, monopodded or otherwise, can carry about a scale model of Nelson's column whilst dragging a frozen chicken!

I concede that he may have had a bit of a trouser bulge as the frozen chicken was very sexy.


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#51 rob

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Posted 01 December 2016 - 05:06 PM

I didn't think a sloth would be capable of gathering the energy to raise a massive erection.

 

(I have myself on a self imposed FB ban. All the overlapping echo chambers are getting too loud.) Tumbleweeds smell of Colorado.



#52 jahloon

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Posted 01 December 2016 - 08:51 PM

Dear Rob,

 

I believe the University of Wales did a study on Sloth erections and the possible detrimental effect on local sheep. While the effect of the erections was found to be frighteningly worrying the fact that the sloths live on a different continent negated the need for immediate action.

 

Aunty

 

PS stay off FB! 


Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
Author of the book "Fretless Guitar The Definitive Guide" fretlessguitar.co.uk

#53 gazmungus

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Posted 02 December 2016 - 06:57 AM

...one could also argue that the loss of the poor sloth's leg had given him the extra capacity to pump the blood up his old fella.

In a study of the University of Wales conducted by The Local Sheep, they found that they were, in fact, sheep and incapable of such a study...

(Not sure I can do quality bollocks anymore  :ninja: )


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#54 jahloon

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Posted 02 December 2016 - 01:22 PM

You just need practice!


Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
Author of the book "Fretless Guitar The Definitive Guide" fretlessguitar.co.uk

#55 rob

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Posted 02 December 2016 - 05:57 PM

I think the sloths need to apply to the WHO for a grant to study the effect of the University of Wales researchers on sloths. It is good to know though that Brexit will at least be good for keeping apart sloths and sheep. The world doesn't ever need to see the existence of a "sleep."



#56 gazmungus

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Posted 02 December 2016 - 11:57 PM

Shit! I just realised that I might have gotten the joke a bit wrong! It's actually a manatee not a sloth, and he's only got one fin. Not sure about the erection either...

Brexit does however mean that Daily Mail readers will now feel empowered to breed unrepressed purely to keep those three legged "sleeps", coming over, er, "there"  ;) and grazing rather slowly on the great British green fields of the new Jerusalem (from that bastarding hymn) wot god made for great British woolly quadrupeds...

...or something like that...


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#57 rob

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Posted 03 December 2016 - 12:24 PM

Sloth or manatee, which is it? It's very important to know since I need to have in mind the correct number of vertebrae to get a proper picture. It would also be important to the average Daily Mail reader so the can properly judge the amount of "spine" the interlopers may have. Well, I guess it doesn't really matter much anyway as the DM reader will surely be defeated by the larger spine of the sloth or the familiar but alluring mermaid form of the manatee.

 

Did I ever mention that I once stood on a manatee?



#58 jahloon

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Posted 03 December 2016 - 02:22 PM

I stood on a mantlepiece once....


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#59 rob

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Posted 03 December 2016 - 02:29 PM

Were you trying to get a manatee to look up your skirt?



#60 jahloon

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Posted 03 December 2016 - 02:39 PM

Actually everyone looked up my skirt, good job I had clean trollies....


Play the blues guitar with your soul, but play the fretless guitar with your spirit.
Author of the book "Fretless Guitar The Definitive Guide" fretlessguitar.co.uk




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